The four walls that surrounded me on that chill Thursday were the only things that kept me going. It was a messy reminder that I had to accomplish one thing and another before going to the next level. But I was caught up in my haze of distractions and had little or no motivation. Searching from ceiling to floor, scratching my brain to peel off a bit of something to start with.
I was certain that once I was able to start, or at least remember what the starting point looked like, the road was going to be crystal clear, razor-sharp and white as snow. But it was the hard part, beginnings, first steps, calling the shots. So it always took longer than the time the experts used. I was no expert, I had trained my mind to believe these four words. Was it a way of increasing my skills or talent, was it away to reduce the ego that came along with the high hopes or was it a way to get rid of the pride and humble myself? I had no idea.
Would these first few words come anytime soon? or did I need to remember someone’s art for my inspiration? I had to go there. I had sneaked out of boundaries and had a peak of another’s art. Is that mentally legal? Physically legal? or morally acceptable? all these words, mere conceals. It was definitely not allowed in a universe, if not in mine.
So there I had it, my few first words. It made my hands a little shaky, could even almost hear my heart beat. But the words flowed with the oxygen that escaped from my lips. Beautiful lips. I told myself. It was more of an “I’d take it from here” kind of moment. Just as learned from the 48 laws of power, I had stolen someones hard work and taken credit for it. But I only flinched a little. I mean, should I be bothered if it’s only illegal in a universe unknown?
Your answer’s correct, I should be bothered. Because homosexuality isn’t all that illegal in my universe but I know it is in another universe. I should be bothered because extrajudicial killings are somewhat legal in my universe but it isn’t in another universe. So I was convinced that I had done a wrong. but the feeling was different. I felt as though I was staring into the black eyes of a lost lover, staring and staring.
Staring my way into cloud 9.
It was only a feeling.
I took a gulp of air, cracked my knuckles and blinked as though I were trying to stop tears. There were no tears. Just a feeling of having gone far. I wasn’t ready to stop. Not ready at all.
Inhaled, exhaled, I did it all. Everything had to come to and end eventually. So the only way I could find a loop hole in such a rule was to not call it a thing. so if it didn’t fall into the category of everything it had become my infinity.
Yes, my long-lasting art. my never-ending beauty, permanence couldn’t even compete with this.
Safe and sound, forever and ever. There was nothing to fear now. So I looked down at the floor, and then at the ceiling. Thinking; ” they should put x-rays in here so I could stare at my mind.”
Then I remembered that one of four walls was a door. So I opened without sesame. Left the four walled room. With a piece of poetry in hand.